the end of one chapter
Writing when I don't necessarily feel like doing so may not be a good idea, but I like the idea of doing so because these may be the best of times...or maybe the worst of times...either way, in my attempt to notcensor myself I shall continue on.
I signed a bunch of paperwork today. She signed everything last week, I received a call from her attorney to schedule a time to add my signature and initials, and so I chose today. Today because why put it off any longer? I could have chosen tomorrow, or next week, or next month, or just ignored the calls all-together but for what? Why put it off?
660 days have passed, the line in the sand is a deep trench at this point, just do what needs to be done.
On our wedding day it was clear skies and full sun, an absolutely beautiful day.
Today, which I assume will be the effective date of the end, was overcast with rain (and continuing to rain as I write this).
The contrast was not lost on me, God and his ever-present sense of humor.
And so that's it.
She was my first girlfriend, my first wife, and now my first (and hopefully last) ex-wife. She is the mother of our incredible son, and I love her for that but that is the extent of my love at the moment. More acquaintances than friends at this point, mostly on my end and just out of a severe need for self-protection. Though I may have stopped showing any emotion I have been ripped to absolute shreds over the past two years and am incredibly raw on the inside.
My faults are loud and clear, I know that. I also know and believe that this was inevitable. Not desired, but inevitable. Some things just aren't meant to be, some things just aren't meant to turn out how we may have imagined or hoped. Some things are just for a season of life, a chapter. There is a lot of good that came out of our union of 15 years, and there is also a large amount of damage that has been...and I believe this is what we are attempting to avoid, further damage...
But I don't know. I'm too fresh at the moment, my heart rate has been up all day, and I'm tired but not tired.
That chapter of my life is over.