day one
Today was day one. And, to be honest, it was fantastic. I'm not going to say I'm "over" things or have dealt with any of what happened, it is entirely too early for that, if it will be possible at all, but today was a small victory for me. A day of some type of weird clarity, a focus, a path...maybe? I don't want to get overly philosophical about it, but it was good.
And it was day one.
Yesterday was day 666, which I find to be oh so ironic. You know, 666, mark of the beast and such. Evil. Darkness. Hell. Etc. 666 days is how long I felt like I was in the darkness. That is the amount of time that passed from when I was asked to leave to the last day of my "allowed to wallow in self-pity" time.
And today was the day after all of that, so I'm calling it "Day One". First day of the rest of my life. There is an odd sense of freedom that I felt today, and even now, that I haven't felt in a very long time...easily going back to 2004 or so. Almost as if the shell that has formed over me since then is beginning to give a little, cracks are forming, maybe just one, things are moving again, my brain is entering a new mode or gear of operation. This may be what it feels like to have a slight memory of who we used to be before.
While part of me is still in shock, the other part(s) of me are excited, nervous, eager, unsure, anticipating, striving, learning (again), anxious. The future is still unclear, but I'm ok with that. One day at a time is all I can do, and is all that can ever really be seen. For now I'm relishing in a great day one and am looking forward to day two!
(Today is also day 17 of no alcohol and I know that is also helping things to be dealt with appropriately, even if in minor ways. The clarity without that stuff is amazing. More to write on that later.)